Take Time

Take The Time

Take the time my friend and you may see what lays inside,
My protective heart hides the smile that glows from time to time,
Deep beyond the shadows, lay a tender heart that flies,
Dreams that twist and turn and hope that never dies,
Faith that holds the secret key to trust and great pride,
Joyful silence masks the madness from time to time,
Playful giggles that masquerade the lies,
Scars that bind me to my past, passion heals the lines they have left,
Memories I hold dear from a child’s eye,
Parent love and sibling’s tears, countless patterns of my fears,

So if you take the time my friend you may just see what lay’s inside.

Mars Meadows Lefever
Urban League Center
Published 2005 Copyright ©

The Committee

The Committee

Self I should not have eaten that truffle... grrgh
Guilt Why Not? If had been me, I would have eaten the whole box and danced naked in front of the mirror all night…
Self My skin will surly break out.
Goddess Guilt, give it a rest… Your skin is beautiful, truffles are so yummy.
Self Now I have to brush my teeth…. Great, I hope no one can tell?
Guilt Notices…. (Sinister chuckle), whom are you kidding?
Self I am so excited about tonight. He always makes me feel so good. I want to look so good it drives him crazy with curiosity!
Goddess You go girl…. Paint it, shake it, tease um…. Hmmm wear the thigh highs and paint for toes that ruby red…. You know that drives him crazy!
Guilt Please……He is far too generous with his compliments…. Come on now look at those thighs, maybe you should just eat one more Truffle.
Goddess This is no time for you guilt to come raining on our parade…let her have some pride. You are splendid, don’t pay attention to guilt.
Guilt Oh Goddess you try so, so hard…. You coach her, I control her!
Self What am I going to wear? Man, I have so many great clothes, thigh highs, yes I think so, and that long black slinky dress…oh that plunging neck line and heels hmmm.
Goddess You will be smashing, that blonde hair, those pearly teeth and oh I love that Ciara perfume.
Guilt You are both mad…. Come on now…. that dress shows every single bulge, every lil truffle ha-ha and you thought no one would notice…
Self Oh no, I look so fat…. Is my nail polish dry yet? He loves this dress. I hope the people tonight are nice, I hate meeting new people. (Labored breathing). Maybe I should just take a panic pill now… He hates when I take those, I hate when I take those… Maybe I just should not go….
Goddess NOT GO….. Come on you know how much both of you were looking forward to tonight, smile, stand up straight, smile again. You know I am with ya… every eye is going to be on you two…..
Guilt Take the pill… (Snicker), take it! Maybe it will make you sick and then you won’t have to go…. TAKE THE DAMN THING….
Self If I don’t go he will pretend it is ok, but deep inside I will know that he’ll be disappointed. I hate when I feel like this!
Guilt Yes. Yes you do, you always conjure up ailments when you have to go out… WHY??? Surprise…. because I like to mess you up, hold you prisoner, you are so easily intimidated.


Goddess Shame on you guilt, shame on you. Come on now, Everyone loves you dear; you go ahead and make him so proud when you go out tonight. You have to ignore this guilt, he is starting to sound a tad bit like shame. Take a nap, rest up, you will be fine…. Just DON”T back out of going or you’ll regret it.
Self I need to rest this is exhausting. Why do I behave like this when we have plans?
Guilt (Snicker-snicker) you won’t go.
Goddess Oh I believe she will go, with no pills and with no guilt!
Guilt You actually think I’ll be left out….. hardly
An hour later... Waking from nap……………….
Self Oh, six o’clock… I have to hurry! Oh I can hardly wait. I melt when he smiles from ear to ear. I can’t wait to get out of here tonight; I am finding it hard to breath.
Partner I am home (he yells from the backdoor)
Self (Beaming)I’m so glad you are here….
Partner You, look great… How do you feel?
Goddess Magnificent… I would say. (Smile)
Self I am fine thanks, can we hurry?
Partner Wow, you are stunning. Hey, don’t change a thing… I’ll be right out. I still don’t see what you see in me?
Self (Giggle) I love you. I’m just a bit anxious though and want to kinda hurry; I’ve been looking forward to going out.
Guilt Great… Looks like I will be left at home to eat truffles and dance in front of the mirror all night…unless….
Self Honey I’ll be in the car, hurry please…
This is a writing trying to give the reader an inside look,
At just one conversation with myself and my committee
(You know those little voices we all hear; some of us just hear them more often).
I know I am not alone.

Mars Meadows
Reflection Group
Published 2005
Mars Meadows Lefever copyright©

Missing Yet Growing...

This morning I woke to froze clinging to the windows, no sign of spring in sight. I pull my covers over my head in hopes that there is still time for me to gracefully arise for my deep sleep… I reach to a cold empty spot next to me, a void, I long to wake entwined with my mate, slow kisses on his neck, cold feet looking for sanctuary. Today I wake alone.
I have a pretty simplistic routine, however I can visualize several alternatives, all which begin with love of self and partnership. I am not a morning girl so often you will hear primal sounds spewing from my lips, stretching longing to touch, to be touched.
Sipping my tea while I whittle through a crossword puzzle… I present myself before my Alter and sit silent for a few minutes taking in cleansing breaths and releasing and fears or apprehension that have built up through the night… I dream of what I so long for and breath… as I begin to chant the house begins to vibrate as the tones rolls from my tongue. I love when someone else enjoys this harmonic tone from deep within. Nearly thirty minutes have past my mind body and soul to be aligned to greet the new day… I begin to find my smile.
Showering together is such an intimate act yet so primal to cleanse our mates while flesh rubs against one another while the warm waters pound down on us.
I would love to find a corner in Powell’s and read passages from a trashy novel and comedy or American lit. I would love to walk the boardwalks the adorn the cities waterfront… I wonder if the open market is open and will they have fresh parsnips for tonight stew. I hope to see some season fresh flowers that are a must have to beatify the dining table at home. I look across the way and see you exchanging banter with the local artist. Coffee, tea anything warm to sip on while we sit along the curb and exchange comments and giggles about the silly things we see in one another… or discuss human rights, the arts, or who is going to win the game of scrabble that awaits us when we return home.
Standing in the kitchen the heart of every home, a place that requires all loving hands on deck to join in the preparation of the evening supper. Cooking together is a spiritual union in it’s self…
The scrabble game begins and I still reach for the dictionary to make sure I am not creating words to add an additional ten points to my score sheet. I am a horrible speller and roll on the floor when I am called on my ridiculous words I create…
I need to relax spooning on the couch for a quick nap; I am calm as I feel your chest rise with each breath pressing against my back. Your breath gently whisking my neck I begin to get goose bumps and press tighter into you.
Should we catch a late night movie at McMenamins? Should we grab a movie and stay snuggled? I should be writing… We both have emails to respond to before the day closes; maybe we should seek a hotub to soak in… mutual massage maybe a local brew and the favorite watering hole… beware libations tend to make me… well we will save that one for later…snicker!
Our kisses linger the butterflies are loose and magic is present… let me linger with you, let me caress you, let me know I am safe, let me love…
Mars Meadows lefever
2008

10 reasons to never trust a personal ad!

Below is my list of the Top Ten Most Overused Phrases In Personal Ads. If YOUR ad does not contain any of the following phrases, please contact me immediately!

10) "I live life to the fullest!"

(Is this really the most profound philosophical statement you can come up with? Dig a little deeper, Nietzsche.)


9) "Loves to laugh" or "Fun-loving"

(Wow, a person who enjoys laughter and fun. What a rare individual. I must meet her at once. Just once I'd like to see "loves to sob uncontrollably for days on end.")


8) "I'm ____ years old but I look MUCH younger!"

(Sure you do. And if I just did a couple more situps, I could still make the Kings starting lineup. Is self-delusion great or what?)


7) "I'm a down to earth..."

(If I see this phrase one more time, I'll... I'll... I don't know WHAT I'll do! I might be forced to actually turn off my computer and go interact with people in the REAL world. Okay, I probably wouldn't do anything THAT drastic. But you get the idea.)


6) "I can go from jeans to a cocktail dress in 10 minutes!"

(You must be very proud. I can't believe they haven't made this an Olympic event yet.)


5) "I'm a intelegent..."

(If you can't SPELL intelligent... do you see where I'm going with this? Class? Anyone?)


4) "I'm a typical (insert astrological sign here)."

(Astrology? Yeah, it's a science. I think they use it at NASA. I don't even know where to begin here. If you're looking for some insight into the nature of my character, don't ask me what my sign is. Talk to the Easter Bunny, he has the real inside track on me.)


3) "Sorry, I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed!"

(Trust me, I will.)


2) "Looking for THE ONE" or "Looking for my Soulmate"

(Really? These are the most fresh and original lines you can come up with? Your mother and I had such high hopes for you. Oh well, there's always trade school.)


And the Number One Most Overused Phrase In A Personal Ad is...

1) "Don't worry, I plan to loose (sic) the weight real soon."

(Ok, it's probably just me, but why am I still worried?)

Lets Talk Nudity....

Lets Talk Nudity…
So nudist are relatively a lifestyle in it’s self. Are you a nudist if you run around the house naked? Are you a nudist only if you join in all the other reindeer games and attend other public outings? Portland has some great nudist events, the nude bicycle ride, the nude swimming, nude bowling, nudist camps / resorts, and nudist beaches! So what makes you a nudist? I personally enjoy the beaches and local resorts; I love being naked or partially naked in my own home….
But if you talk to any true nudist, they will tell you that it is normal and I am not a real nudist. (I guess only if I am naked)… I did raise my kids seeing me naked and instilled the moral value that the body is a sanctuary not an object, but face it that was a handful of times on camping trips and in their youth. I would no more sit around naked today in front of my grown children than I would land on the moon. My children, grown adults now still pop in on me and I do not scurry for a towel or hiding place, but they are very private with their bodies now.
Nudists involve their children and find no shame in activities with other like-minded families. Do most nudist children grow up to be nudist? Or is this something they just grew up with, like my children? My kids know I still hit the nudist beaches and resorts, they know I am in an alternative lifestyle, but my lifestyle and nudist mix like oil and water? WHY? Is it because nudist believes we are all about sex and not nudity? Please someone out here has got to be able to explain this far better than I…. When attending the nudist beach I do not solicit sex from others, not do I at the PTA meetings, or the hockey games…. Ok once at a hockey game… I confuse, but I certainly wasn’t nude at the time!
So any input on this would be educational, fun and enlightening…
Let’s here from you!

Peace,
Mars
2008

Colorful World

I dwell in a big loud colorful world, where adversity and diversity meet the pavement. Just a couple things I savior:
Balloon Characters, roller coasters, children’s laughter, fat cats, pink anything, birthing babies, creative writing, dove soap, fire dancing, naked anything, fudge sundaes after midnight, bubblegum, diamonds, adventure, fishing, scrabble, nocturnal, travel, Thai food, hula hoops, photography, skinny dipping, boating, diamonds, storms, beetlejuice, recycling, elephants, drumming circles, high caloric foods, volunteering, hiking, Sauvie Island, shooting guns, snorkeling, full moons, numbers 24,15,13, Temple, art, chanting, daffodils (7), on and on and on…. To be continued still growing up!
Mars Meadows Lefever
2007

The Passenger

Passenger

I Am Just A Passenger, Who’s Smile Is Remembered And Who’s Toe Nails Are Always Polished. I Ride Through Life On The Tails Of Those I Meet.
Each Day A Different Trip, A Different Destination.
Right Now I Am In A Holding Pattern, So I Go To My Car In Hopes Of Capturing My Next Conquest.
The Gas Gauge Prompts Me To Believe
This Trip Will Be Short.
Bubble Gum And Beef Jerky Are Sure To Be
Found In The Clutter, Which Will Hold Me While
I Paint My Toes And Wonder.
It Would Be My Dream Job To Name Those Polishes, “Screaming Brats”, “Bold And Bitchy”, “Never Enough”, “Menopausal Maniac”,
“Damned Daughter”, “Chip Proof Reality Check”
Who Gives A Shit……Nails By Mars.

By: Mars Meadows
Dishman Center
Copyrights: Mars Lefever ©
Published 2003